The refrigerator curse

Dean and I have said curse. Truly. Was there a refrigerator gypsy we inadvertently crossed on our wedding day? Is there a saint over appliances I can supplicate? I present for you the evidence of our curse. The following stories are not exaggerated. In fact, the sheer scope of fridge horror has been abbreviated for tedium's sake. Happy schadenfreude!

FRIDGE #!
In retrospect, it wasn't so bad - it was just one of those old ones that come with a rental where you have to defrost the freezer once a month or your ice cream builds its own igloo.

FRIDGE #2
We bought it new for our condo. Just over a year later (nullifying the warranty), it began to beep. I called the service department.
"I'm sorry, ma'am, but that model doesn't beep."
"Yeah, I figured it shouldn't be beeping, but it is."
"No, that model doesn't have any mechanism to make a beep. It must be something else in your kitchen."
"I'm standing right in front of it, and it's definitely beeping."
"It's probably another appliance nearby."
"No...there's a little red light on the fridge that blinks in time with the beeping."
"I'm sorry, ma'am, but that model of refrigerator doesn't beep."
The freezer died, and we had a repairman come to fix it.
"Yeah, this kind of freezer problem is common in fridges 5-10 years old. How old is this?"
"One year."
"Oh."
He could fix the freezer, but not the beep. There were times when, as I was trying to fall asleep, I fantasized about shooting the fridge with a sawed-off shotgun. That specific weapon. For the record, I never did.

FRIDGE #3
We gave away the Beeping Leviathan when we moved and bought a new fridge for our house. Just over a year later, the freezer died. Twice in the same month. We got it fixed both times, but the ice maker was a permanent casualty, a drawer broke, and we harbored ill feelings toward our fridge. We used to fantasize about buying a new one, browsing online and admiring the shiny new models, one with a bottom freezer this time, and fancy french doors! Then this past fall as an early Christmas present for Dean, I did it! I bit the bullet and spent a wad on exactly the model we wanted, and a brand that was supposed to be great: Samsung. (duh, duh, DUM!)

FRIDGE #4

The following events each occur 5-7 days apart:

1. Fridge arrives. It's dropped off on our curb. Dean is 3 hours late to work, having to remove the fridge doors to get it through our front door, haul the 300 lb. sucker inside, and set it up.

2. The fridge does not cool. I call Samsung.
"Have you filled the unit with food?"
"No...it's 80 degrees in there."
"The unit won't reach optimum internal temperature until it's filled with food."
"Um...it's 80 degrees in there."

"A technician will call you in 3-5 business days."

3. I call Samsung back. "No technician has called."

"It looks like the request was input incorrectly. I'll redo it."

4. Technician comes, inspects it, and orders parts.

5. Parts arrive. Samsung sent the wrong parts. Dean and I laugh about it. "That darn curse!" we exclaim good-humoredly.

6. New parts arrive. Samsung sent the wrong parts. Again. I explain to the nice repair guys, "It's not your fault. We have a refrigerator curse." I give them slices of homemade pie to show my astounding goodwill. (I didn't make the pie--my neighbor did, because she loved The Actor and the Housewife. It was really good pie.)

7. I call Samsung when the third round of parts never arrive. We're told parts are not available. They put in for an exchange. It'll be another 5-7 days.

I explain to the Customer Service Rep how much trouble we've already been through. "Is there anything you can do to help this happen faster?"

"There isn't an expedite button on my desk that I can just push."

8. 5-7 business days later, I call to check up on the status. New rep tells me, "I'm sorry, your exchange request was input incorrectly. I'll redo it."

I take deep, cleansing breaths. I will be okay.

9. Calling to check up on the status, yet another new rep tells me, "I'm sorry, your exchange request was input incorrectly. I'll redo it." Again.

Dean and I speak nostalgically of ice boxes.

10. Calling to check up on the status, I'm told we can't get an exchange from where we purchased it. I don't offer pie to the woman on the phone. There is no pie in me left to give. I actually break down and weep. "This is insanity! How can you run a company this way? Am I being punked? Am I trapped in Groundhog's Day?"

"I apologize if there has been any inconvenience, ma'am. I'll put in for a refund."

11. I call to check on status. Can you guess? "I'm sorry, your refund request was input incorrectly. I'll redo it."

12. Ditto.

13. Ditto. A gentle numbness sets in. The memory of pie is so distant...do I hear the angels singing me home at last?

At this point, it's been 11 weeks. We still have an 80 degree fridge in our kitchen. Alongside the bastard fridge, which is looking pretty good these days. When the refund goes through (ha!), we're asked to cut off the power cord, mail it to them, and we'll get a check. Will they come pick up the 300 lb. refrigerator? No. Can we give it over to a charity? No, they only accept working fridges that are PLUGGED IN. It will be up to us to dispose of the behemoth ourselves. How? I do not know, and so I end on a cliffhanger, leaving you to imagine what, if any, ending will claim our story.

But even now we can't help but hope. Maybe the next refrigerator will be the one! Maybe eventually we'll work through our curse and be granted a working cooling appliance. I only know one thing for certain: Lucky Fridge #5 will not be a Samsung.

Comments

[Je Reve]

The pie goblins have obviously attacked your refrigeration. I would call the police if I were you.

We have the same thing with our oven (almost). Move in, oven is from the '70s. Burns the overhead cabinet. Buy a new oven. Oven decides to self-clean a day before thanksgiving. Oven is locked, preventing the cook-ige of stuffing. Oven Unlocks. Bosch orders wrong parts. Twice. Next thanksgiving, oven self-cleans the week before, locking. Connected oven thermometer hooks into the bird. Thermometer breaks. Bird cooks 12 hours. We eat at 9:30 pm. Digital screen breaks. Bosch orders wrong part. 3 times.

Ahh, the curses that come with delicious pie.

[Kylie]

Trust me, you're not the only one. We have an obnoxious kitchen appliances curse, too. My parents were freaking out a couple of months ago, because our washer, dishwasher, oven, and fridge were all malfunctioning. I, being the obnoxious teenage daughter (***haha***) thought it was pretty hilarious. but now everythings fixed and working. For now.

[Rachel Q.]

I feel so much better about our fridge now. It's an old hand me down with broken shelves and an ugly exterior, but at least it keeps our food cold! Good luck!

[Brooke Shirts]

Good grief, that IS a curse. Well, you can always tip it onto your front lawn and use it as some ginormous flowerbox. Hey, if Utahns can get away with doing the same thing to old bathtubs and toilets, than a refrigerator should seem in relative high taste, right?

[Susan]

You should Tweet about it like Dooce did with her washing machine. If you can get all the book bloggers to retweet, maybe you'd get some action!

Incidentally, we can put appliances out with our garbage and they will get picked up. You just need to take the doors off so no one suffocates. Maybe you can check on that?

[JoLee]

This story sounds all too familiar. We bought a brand new Samsung Dryer that never worked. We went through the exact same rigormoral with Samsung customer service trying to get a new one. They told us over and over that our claim had been input incorrectly. I hate that I think this, but I'm not convinced that those were honest mistakes. I think they were just waiting for us to give up. We didn't and now we have an LG Dryer.

[Heather Z.]

There is no way all those can be "honest mistakes." Methinks you have more than a curse, methinks you have evil gremlins that have either hacked the wiring system of the computers or taken over Samsung (or they are just pure evil. It's a toss up). Maybe you could speak with Karma because honestly, you are way to sweet of a person (and your husband too) to have that kind of evil hounding you.

Best of luck with luck #5!

[Karen]

Whirlpool baby. I'm not kidding. We've not gone wrong yet. And parts? There are oodles for our washer and dryer which have broken from time to time (what appliance wouldn't with 9 people to wash for everyday). Our old fridge was a maytag and we only gave it away because it was too small for our growing family. It replaced our friends' fridge that barked. Yes. Like a dog. Which we own, but they don't. So funny. Good luck!

[Emily]

That is unbelievable. Also unbelievable is the extent of your patience. I would have cried (and maybe yelled, too) MUCH earlier in the process.

[Aprilmom00]

I can so relate about applainces over here too..you can keep your curse.

[Shannon Morris]

I would lure the CEO of Samsung to your house with pie, lock him inside the offending appliance, then leave the thing out on the front lawn for the garbage man to pick up. So much for charity! I should go repent now.... but I won't.

[Jen]

In our county, you can call the sanitation people (county dump and accompanying "engineers") and leave appliances on the curb and they will pick them up. Might be worth a try. Their phone number is written on our outside trash bins.

Also, my parents had the same curse when they built a new house, so my deepest sympathies go out to you. May the Gods of Refrigeration smile upon your fifth adventure.

[Q]

You could always take a sawed-off shotgun to this one.

My problem with refrigerators is that stuff always falls out on me (usually splattering me with food).

[Frogster]

I'm so sorry! I agree with other people that my patience would have cracked long before yours. I'd say you have the patience of a saint.

My last cell phone was a Samsung. After about a year, the silly thing would lose its charge and crash extremely often--say two or three times a week, which is unreasonable because I rarely have it on on Sundays and turn it off every night...I had to wait another six months to get myself a new phone (stupid contracts) and now I have an LG and it's great. I'd advise not to buy anything Samsung.

Hope you have better luck with the next refrigerator!

[Janelle]

You are in verily deed cursed. And it sounds like no fun. I'm going to go appreciate my old, ugly, freezes-anything-that-gets-pushed-to-the-back fridge. At least it works!

Good luck!

[L.T. Elliot]

You're so much nicer than me. I would have lost it with that last one.

I hope the curse is lifted and you are henceforth blessed with a fridge to rival all fridges!

[melissa @ 1lbr]

Wow, that's scary. Maybe you should write a book about it :)

I think you ought to consider using it as a sled - at least you will get one good run out of it right? Never mind lugging it back up to the top of the hill.

[Cheri]

11 weeks? You are my new hero. I'd have lost it after 2, maybe 3.

I envision your cordless refrigerator having a dreadful bungee jumping accident...

[Heather]

Oh no! I hope blogging about it helped. You sound like you're keeping things in perspective. Only a writer could make a story of breaking appliances so funny and interesting. I hope you'll get everything resolved soon- and I hope there's no sawed- off shotgun at hand the next time Samsung sends you the wrong parts...

[Melinda]

We have the curse of transmissions going out on our vehicles. I hate to even saying that out loud for fear of invoking it. Five times in four years. The last time, they wouldn't even sell us a warranty.

[Lindsay]

I hope you send a link of this to Samsung and inform them that you have shared your horror story with your readership of 1000+, along with the whole world wide web...

[Pussreboots]

For me it's a flashlight curse. Doesn't matter how new the flashlight or the batteries are. The flashlight will always break when I need to use it.

[Debbie]

Woah. I would have thrown in the towel by #3 or 4 or this incident. I'm with the girl that said tweet it! Seriously use the brand name and everything. Wow. Hopefully all your commenters will send so many good vibes the curse will shatter to it's death.

[Calliope1of9]

You should keep the fridge's carcass and lock yourself in it in the event of nuclear war. Or something.
Or make art out of it.

[Debbie (Celes)]

Ugh, that's awful. I hope you reach your fairy-tale fridge ending. :)

[Katie-wa]

Doesn't Samsung makes PHONES??? *checks cell phone* YEP! Mine's a Samsung. And a piece of crap. Looks like they suck all-around.

Totally understand the fridge thing. All of ours have been crap, and our old ones from a long time ago work the best. Ha. Ha ha. It's ridiculous. The evil people behind the worthless appliances should be shot alongside the fruit of their non-labors.

[Dr. Sallie N. Cheinsteen]

If I get a recommendation for fantastic fridges, I'll let you know. Perhaps this will help:
If you ever want to put melted chocolate chips over anything, like ice cream, brownies, or cheerios...
just stick it in the refrigerator. They'll melt swell.
HA! And that's what we thought microwaves were for.
Hopefully everything works out for you. And may the next fridge be the one!

Sincerely,
Samsung.

:) Just kidding.

[Joanna]

Wow. You're definitely cursed. Here's hoping #5 is the lucky one!!

[Jean]

We recently acquired a new/old fridge from a yard sale...it's a Kelvinator and works great. Planned obsolescence is here to stay-maybe you could be checking the classifieds instead the stores.

[Lauren]

Go to Sears. Buy a Kenmore with the Sears repair warranty. Oh so worth it! They will come do annual check-ups on your fridge, usually within a day or two of calling. It's kind of amazing.

[Taffy]

That happened to our friends, only the company was Maytag. The finally put their fridge on the curb with a big sign that read: "FREE! Please take me home!" They made sure it was on the curb when the repairman came.

[Wren]

Wow. Are you going to mention the curse in a novel of yours? (btw, really liked Actor and the Housewife and love the pie reverence in this post!).

[Wren]

Eh, I meant "reference" in previous comment.

[Elaine Devlin]

For Shannon Hale:

THE REFRIGERATOR THAT RUNS FOREVER

In 1989 we made a big investment. A new refrigerator. It was not only a new refrigerator but a big refrigerator freezer with double doors and an ice and water dispenser on the door of the freezer. The popular color for kitchen appliances in 1989 was beige, and so our fancy, big new refrigerator was beige. We loved it. There was crushed ice for drinks, cubed ice for drinks and the cooler and lots of room for the food and drinks that my 7 children would consume. I didn’t think I’d ever want another refrigerator as long as I lived. It ran well and we were happy.

After two years we moved once and the refrigerator was specially protected under my guidance so it didn’t get scratch or bumped. It continued to run well. Another two years later we moved again and the refrigerator got bumped and dented on the corner, but that was minor and it continued to run well.

It was 9 years later and our family had shrunk to 4 children at home when we moved again. The refrigerator ran well but was beginning to look used and taken for granted. I began to think about a new refrigerator even though it continued to run well.

We moved into a brand new house with new white appliances, except for a refrigerator. Since we spent a bundle on our new home we decided the old beige refrigerator would do for a while longer because it ran well.

I went to work full time and forgot to clean the refrigerator for about a year and it ran well. I cleaned the refrigerator and it ran well. Two years later we sold our new house and moved from California to Utah. We decided to take the old refrigerator because is still ran well.

Four years later we are still using our beige refrigerator in Utah and are now in the process of buying a new house. It has pretty new black appliances but does not have a refrigerator. We’ll take our ancient beige refrigerator because it still runs well.

Maybe in the move it will fall off the truck and get all banged up and I can get a new one, but I’m afraid we will pick it up, clean it off and it will still run well.

Can I give you our refrigerator? It’s a little worse for wear but it runs well!

[Kathleen Dalton-Woodbury]

What Lindsay said.

Also, don't research the fridge, research the customer service program, and the warranty, and the repair and parts availability.

When you've got a curse like this, you don't try to find a fridge that will work, you try to work around the curse by making sure your plans B, C, and D work.

Best of luck with the next fridge.

[Rinna-girl]

poor you maybe you should stick with old fashioned ice boxes that dont require electricity. how r u storing food?

[Laura Z M]

Strange.

Very strange.

You'd think any fridge would be proud to exhibit the artwork of such cute kids as Max and Maggie.

Not to mention displaying a to-do list like this:

* Plan book release party
* Schedule tour for 10th book
* Box up books to make room for awards
* Call Stephenie Meyer

As I stay, strange.

[Rinna-Girl]

I know! I know! Refrain from eating refrigerated foods.

[Stacey]

Oh my! That is the worst curse ever!

We have a DVD player curse. Every one we buy doesn't last more than a year until we got this MEGA surge protector, and the one we have still glitches every once in a while!

Have you called any local High School drama departments to see if they want a pretty stage prop fridge?

The only other thing I can think of is somehow hauling it to the dump or a junk yard.

[Libbi]

That is absoloutely horrific. Of all the things I've imagined having trouble with when I buy a house, the refridgerator was probably on the bottom of my list. If it even made the list. I now know better because of your wonderful blogging :). Seriously, though, you have a lot of patience with those Samsung people. My dad's on the phone with them for five minutes and he's practically yelling. And pie? Forget it.

[Stephanie Rust]

Our microwave and dishwasher must have made a suicide pact. They died within minutes of one another, making horrific noises as they went. Thankfully, our new appliances have not shown any tendencies toward dying a noisy, disturbing death. We count our blessings.

[Angie]

Maybe it's time to Get Gephart. He might be able to get something done. ;)

[Nicole]

This is why you need twitter. The Dooce washer incident was mentioned, but really, companies HATE publicity like this.....in a perfect world it would end with Samsung asking you to take this post down, to which you could reply "I'm sorry that request was input incorrectly"

[Marianne]

That is completely ridiculous! I'm so sorry! Curse aside, Samsung deserves to go out of business for running their company that way.

[Nadia]

That is truly unbelievable, but truth is stranger than fiction. My husband's pre-marriage fridge was at least 20 years-old. It came with the house when he bought it. The fridge made ice, but the water dispenser in the door never worked. About a month after we got married, it started leaking. I'm happy to say that our fridge #2 is working great -- so far. Of course, it hasn't been a year and is still on warranty. It's a Frigidaire. I also like LG (which didn't originally stand for Life's Good). My parents recently bought one of the fancy French door/freezer on the bottom fridge. I think theirs is a Samsung, but they haven't had any problems with it. I'll give them a warning.

[Shannon M.]

Aw. Poor Shannon. I must say, you sound like you have handled it admirably. I work at an insurance company where we warranty, amongst other things, refrigerators. And I can't count how many times I've been screamed at because it took us a few hours to get someone over there and fix it, so I can't IMAGINE having a customer as patient as you.

Incidentally, if you need brand advice feel free to ask. We deal with pretty much every brand and model at my job--including the really high end stuff--so I know which ones have the best reputation, best availability of parts, best customer service, etc. (Hint, it's not Samsung--though I think you know that.) You'd be amazed at how many "good" companies really aren't.

Course, that might not help your curse...

[Bridget]

Just don't buy a Whirlpool oven!
Recently they've been putting a new chemical on ovens that make them smell like toxic waste. They actually have a warning in the manual that says: WARNING. SMELL WILL KILL BIRDS.
Why? Why make an oven that kills?
We ran it the three hours like they told us to and the smell didn't go away.
We ran it for three more hours about five more times.
The smell didn't go away.
We called the company and they said,
"Did you run it for three hours?"
They also told us they could send us a new oven. A new oven that's the exact same type, brand, and smeel-ified kind as our one now. We would have the same problems all over again!
We are now without an oven. We cook stovetop and slowcooker. This is a big blow because I LOVE to bake!
So, regardless to say, don't buy a Whirlpool oven.
Or any oven.
Unless you do some serious research.

[Shannon V.]

Wow, people write looong comments. I felt I needed to say that.

[Ruby]

We have had our Kenmore fridge since 1989. The only problem we ever had was during the first two years the water pump for the ice maker went out and, if I remember correctly, Sears was prompt to replace it. Also, we have moved three times, which I have heard can be hard on refrigerators.
Last night I watched t.v., something I rarely do. There was a Sears commercial that said their company is "RAD" meaning "Responsible Appliance Disposal". They remove your old appliances. This is apparently something that just started in December. You can find more information by a Google search for "sears rad".
Good luck, you certainly deserve it.

[Vanessa]

As far as I know a valid counter curse for fridge problems is to pass it on. Locate the physical address of the Samsung Calling center, and haul your massive fridge to them during the night to block their entrance. Don't forget to mutter an appropriate spell under your breath, so the fridge knows what to do.