An ambiguous, rant-ish post

Sometimes when reading critical reviews of my work, I can nod and think, "That's valid," or, "I disagree, but I can see how someone could read it that way." And other times...

"What? Did you read the same book? Did you skip chapters? Did you rewrite those scenes in your head? Are you certifiable? How on earth did you get THAT out of it? Did you have your eyes shut the whole time? Shouldn't it be illegal to write reviews if you're insane?"

Like that.

As a writer you can't talk back to reviews. You just have to button your lips and take it. You don't want to be ungracious, snotty, egotistical, arrogant, nasty...even if you really want to be. It never does any good anyway. But you scream a lot in your head. "WHAT?" It sort of helps.

It can be trying. I spend so much time on a book, I rewrite to death, I'm so careful with each word, and then to have it misread...well, yuck. People can not like my books, they can be turned off by my style or story or whatever. Everyone's reading experience is personal. But when they read through highly subjective lenses and think they're being objective, I want to tear my hair out. I want to sob. I want to talk back. I want to explain. I want to sit down with that reviewer and discuss the review point-by-point, detailing where they are mistaken.

But I can't. In review vs. author, review always wins. Review gets the last word. Except for a brief shimmering moment, in ambiguous, rant-ish blog posts.

Comments

[Lia]

I understand this completely! The fatal combination of critical + lacking in understanding is unendurable. It is so painful to be misunderstood. It makes me want kick things. And there's no defense.

I have an idea. Take the so-called review, and write a review of it. First step: misunderstand everything the writer said. Second step: criticize what he said, and also the things that he didn't say but that you decided he did. Third step: throw in some cut-downs about his insipid style and the blundering way he writes sentences. Fourth step: post it online in a high-traffic location.

What these reviewers need is someone to review their own work. Because nobody sees them winning a Newbery (hmm, I wonder why?).

[Chelsea]

ahahaha that comment above was genius!
Brilliant, Lia, brilliant.
Darn reviewers.
(hey, I'm the second comment, wow!)

[Amie]

Don't worry, we know they are crazy! Do you think they know they are crazy or has no one never told them?

[Annette]

Don't pay any attention to the critics. I teach 5th grade and every summer try to read as many books as I can that I think my students might be interested in. I just finished Princess Academy. It was so well written that I found myself relating not only to Miri but to all of the characters. This book will be top on my recommended reading list, and I can hardly wait to get hold of the rest of your books.

[Marcus Aurelius]

You know what I really didn't like? The part in "The Actor and the Houswife" where the Kahn's armies stormed the cricket pitch and then they had that dance off? Yeah, I felt like that was totally outside of the book's main wossname.

Also? I don't think there are roaming packs of Deinonychus in Layton. I checked. It's *science*.

So, um, get your facts straight, okay?

[Jean]

You mention wanting to explain and going through the review "point by point". Do you realize how wonderful that attitude is and how rare it's actually verbalized and used? I think you should give yourself a pat on the back for willingness to talk to the reviewer. So much of communication is misunderstood depending on a number of factors. Hurray for those (like you!) who seek clarification in place of accusation.

[Zehra]

Shannon, don't you worry about those reviews. You're an amazing writer. I truly wish I could write like you. I have yet to find a book by you that I don't like, nay love.

[Connie]

You may not be able to say anything but I can. Just give me their info, I will take care of it. ;)
You know I saw a review on goodreads were I thought the same thing, did this woman read the same book. Then as I continued I realized this woman was crazy and I realized I don't want this crazy woman liking the same books as me.

[Ez]

bhahaha...I totally agree. Good post.

But don't worry, your work is good enough that the stupid reviews are like feathers off a shield.

[Shannon Morris]

If it helps calm your soul I will send you my reviews, as soon as I get them. I'm sure they will put your reviews to shame and you can feel oh so much better about your writing than mine, according to the reviewer. But seriously, I admire how you are able to vent, rant, and rave about whatever it is that you are experiencing. I love your honesty.

[Leann Sweeney]

Totally agree, especially the part about the "subjective" lens. I, too, am very open to criticism, to understanding the reviewer's viewpoint but when the book doesn't meet up to their "personal agenda" expectations that's when I get upset. Or when I get a one star review on Amazon because someone ordered the book used and it never came. Now that's my favorite review ever! :-)

[Lauren Baratz-Logsted]

Shannon, I live by The Five-Minute Rule: bad reviews etc are worthy of five depressed minutes of my time then it's back to work. I also try my best as a writer to live "Never complain, never explain," although at times it is tempting. Still, I take comfort in the fact that I've never taken a gun to a reviewer's book (Richard Ford to Alice Hoffman), published a reviewer's phone/email (Alice Hoffman to a Boston Globe reviewer), or sworn "I will hate you till the day I die" (Alain de Botton to a NYT reviewer). As for you, my dear, you wrote GOOSE GIRL, one of my favorite books in that genre, so there you go.

[Lucy]

You could go berserk like certain authors we won't mention. (oops--looks like someone already did.) That would be entertaining for all of us, but I can see that you have too much class. I hope I'd go for the ambiguious rant, too.

[L.T. Elliot]

I'm sorry about the review. Just know that your fans love your books and since we're the ones buying them (and loving them!) the review is paltry in comparison. =]

[Lula O]

Try to laugh it off Dr. Evil style all the way to the bank.

[Dr. Sallie N. Cheinsteen]

It's got to hurt. I wouldn't know, because I am not published or anything, so I really couldn't give good advice about this. It's sometimes so easy to give advice about something you honestly have no experience with, and so all I can say is that we all love you. Hopefully that counts for something, right? P.S. I loved meeting you last night. And your best friend is totally awesome. Thanks for making my day yesterday... and a lot more! :)

[Celes]

I'm sorry about that, Shannon. But I still love you!

[Debbie]

First off I just love hanging out with you. You're incredibly adorable, super funny and just wonderful. I had a blast at your signing event last night at Barnes and Nobel. I laughed so much and really enjoyed the whole thing. (Your sweet friend did an amazing job with her poem. Wow!) I was last in line, perhaps you remember me and Danylle?

Second, that must be a difficult part of sharing your books with us all. What really gets me is there is one thing if someone decides that the book wasn't for them, there is a completely other thing when it turns hateful.

I have a good friend who is a fantastic reviewer. I really respect her opinion because even if the book is awful she gives pros and cons and seems to be really fair to each piece. I think it takes talent to be a good reviewer because it's easy to quickly judge it or spew what you felt, but it takes a real talent to construct a meaty opinion.

[Jen]

Still love your writing guts.

[Ani]

I am toatlly sorry cause it is off topic but I really want Forest Born to come out!!!

[Emma H.]

Reviews. Ugh! I find them so confusing! When I look online for books, I always check the reviews- editorial and customer. People see books in completely different ways. You just don't know until you read them. But try to shrug it off. I mean, look at all these commenters who absolutely adore you! Including me :)

[Katie-wa]

Where's this particular review located? I want to see how grotesquely they twisted the meaning of your story and mentally kick their butts for you. Cause I'm a loving fan like that.

[Christen]

Man, that must suck majorly. But really, what Lula O said. :D

[Laura Z M]

What if people in other professions had to deal with that level of scrutiny? Can you imagine a reviewer second-guessing an electrician? Or questioning the motives of a surgeon? Or analyzing a park ranger's every move?

I don't think I have thick enough skin to be an author. Or an umpire. What must it be like to have people vocally criticize your work while you're doing your job? "What, are you blind?" "Wake up! You're missing a great game!" "You call that a sentence?"

[Amy @ My Friend Amy]

While I haven't written a book, I sort of know this feeling from blog posts! I'll even labor over making something incredibly diplomatic. But reading...there's something unique about baggage associated with language and personal experiences that does indeed make it impossible to ensure the way something is written is the way it will be read.

[Lois Moss]

I know it's hard, but the whole "turning the other cheek" is the best policy. I recently read a criticism of a critic and it came across shrill and defensive--she even included the critic's phone number and told her fans to call and give the critic a piece of their mind. As much as I understood the author's frustration, I still lost respect for the her. You're smart to let bygones be bygones and just take it on the chin and move on. It increases my respect for you. Intelligent people will know that the review is bogus, and sometimes that has to be enough.

Sorry about the review, but just know that some of us think you're brilliant.

[Elizabeth]

Wow. I hope you didn't accidentally happen upon my review.

I loved the book and all your stuff. Keep it up.

[Shannon]

I hate being misunderstood--Its SO frustrating! Sometimes I tell myself they don't understand because they're not smart enough, and that makes me feel a little better. But honestly, I find that the thing that helps the most is surrounding myself with people who love me no matter what. There's nothing more healing than a hug from my husband and if I had kids I'd have a good snuggle. At the end of the day, family is all that really matters.

But you obviously have tons of fans that love you too. Soak up our love-- we give it freely.

[Ali]

Whatever any reviewer says, your books are amazing and your writing style is too!

[Robbie]

What was Felix's advice? Don't read the reviews! You must have included that from personal experience :) I wanted to tell you how much I LOVED the Actor and the Housewife. What an extraordinary idea. I would love to know how that story came about. Anyway, it touched my heart and I found it warm, wonderful and witty. Don't you love all those 'w' words? Wish I could have thought of more. Thank you for all your amazing stories that your readers adore.

[Je Reve]

Reviewers have an awful job. They have to judge whether or not a book is good, but all books are good in someways... usually. Thanks for the post!

[Mati]

Sometimes when I finish a quilt, I get wonderful feedback like "My daughter takes this with her everywhere".
Sometimes I get useless feedback like "Isn't that pretty" or "do those colors go together?" (as if I can change it after the fact). But the most insulting feedback of all is a quilt that i've spent weeks working on and the recipient says "It's so beautiful i'm never going to use it, it's too gorgeous" or "My baby will never touch this it's too nice". I think for me the worst feedback is having your work hung on a wall, or folded into a chest and never used.
At least a reviewer reads the book (theoretically). Imagine if they just told you it was too wonderful to be worth reading and stuck it on the shelf. It doesn't really matter what they say, it's your work - be proud of it!

[Sara W.]

that sucks!stupid reviews!!!

[Emnia]

Reviewers are just so jelous that can't be as good of a writer as some authors. I mean, you authors get to be friends with some other cool authors, and get to spend all of your time writing (rather painfully) awesome books! But I must agree: Reviews should be ripped out of books, or more people should read reviews last. Some VERY good books are put down because of reviewers. I'm so sure they all are jelous. So sure.

[Nathan Hale]

Wanna know what irks me? Those Amazon reviewers who give Rapunzel one star because they didn't know it was a graphic novel. They penalize the book because they were too dumb to do 10 seconds of research. I'd like to hit them over the head with their own keyboards.

[Emily B]

What?!!?!?!?!?!? People give Shannon Hale bad reviews?!!?!??!?!?! Weird...

[Danylle]

Nathan's got it right. The reviewers who didn't like the book because it didn't meet their expectations are ridiculous. It's not as if you were writing a story just for that one person.
Instead of calling themselves reviewers they should be entitled reactionists with no creditble background.

[Donna]

As a reader, I never read reviews. Years ago I read a few and thought they were weird (not to mention pompous). Why am I supposed to care what this particular person thinks? I can make up my own mind, thankyouverymuch.

Speaking of, I read The Actor and The Housewife over the weekend and I loved it! You rock girl!

[Funky Winkerbean]

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