A little bit of beauty

Today in the car, Max said, "Mom, I just saw a lady in another car that looked just like you."

"Oh really? Was she beautiful?"

"No."

I laughed, and he smiled, trying to figure out the joke.

"All girls are beautiful," he added quickly.

I agreed and wondered who had coached him on that point. It can only serve him well in the years to come.

"What does beautiful mean?" he asked.

These are the moments I especially love about having a five-year-old. If an adult asked that question, it most likely would be rhetorical. But he absolutely meant it. He's a fluent speaker of the English language, and yet some of the most basic words and concepts are new to him. He has not yet formed an opinion about beauty. How wonderful. What adventures await!

My off-the-cuff answer was, "When something is beautiful, it's nice to look at. What do you like to look at?"

He said, "Papa. I like to look at pictures of Papa and at Papa because I love Papa."

"I like to look at lots of things--at flowers, the sky, mountains, colors, trees, home, and you and Maggie. You guys are my favorite things to look at."

"Wow, you have lots of things," said Max. "I only have one."

Yep. If you're keeping track, that was the second time I didn't make the "beautiful" cut. I let the subject drop.

If you were talking to my five-year-old, how would you define beauty?

Comments

[Katie-wa]

Beauty is the physical embodiment of joy, health, and love. Like the daffodils that have finally arrived to share their sunny faces. Like a baby fresh from a nap, cheeks rouged and fingers pink, warm to the touch. Someone giving an honest laugh, eyes crinkling and lines around the mouth as they toss their head back. Yeah, that's beauty to me.

[Maribeth]

Haha, that's kind of sad that you didn't make it either time. But he's a cute kid, so he'll get away with it. :P

Your definition was really good. Things I like to look at- I usually see as beautiful in some way or another.

[Amanda Lane]

I agree with your definition.

I disagree with Max, though, because I've seen pictures of you, and you are gorgeous!

[Erin]

To little kids, Mom is Mom. She doesn't look like anything, I don't think, but the person who loves them and takes care of them. No offense to dads, but they get to be a little more like a "normal" person, while moms are the caregivers.

[Enna Isilee]

I probably would have gone with your definition, Erin, even to not-so-little kids, Mom is just Mom. I don't consider my mom "beautiful" even though lots of people say that she is. She's just my mom. I know I'm attatched to a person when I stop noticing things about them (that sounds strange). I once had a really good friend who was overweight, but I didn't even realize she was overweight until someone mentioned something to me. She was just my friend, that's all.

[Enna Isilee]

Hm. My sentences got a little mashed. That was supposed to be "I would probably go with your definition, Shannon. Erin, ..."

Just a bit of clarification.

[enna-leah]

this was really sweet, and so funny. :)

beautiful... in this case I would describe it as, something (or someone) that you love to look at or listen to.

I love the questions kids ask. <3

[enna-leah]

actually I think in any case I would describe it that way... :)

[enna-leah]

this was really sweet, and so funny. :)

beautiful, I would describe it as, something (or someone) that you love to look at or listen to.

I luv the questions kids ask...

[Scarlet Knight]

I think my four-year-old son thinks Spiderman and Batman are the most beautiful things in the world right now. But I must admit, you had a great answer. :)

[Sara]

Beautiful is what makes your heart smile.

[Snorkle]

Haha! I love kids, they crack me up.

[Becky Williams]

I have 7 year old twins one of which gets red in the face and so embarrassed that tears start forming if you tell him he's handsome or adorable. The other is budding Casanova and tells me I'm beautiful and before leaving for school, will offer a wet, a butterfly and an Eskimo kiss. This child is also, along with his twin quite honest about my physical appearance and without tact asks me why my belly jiggles, yet I'm still beautiful even with the peach jello mold for a stomach.
On that note, I'd have to best describe beauty as love. You love first and then you find true beauty and the beautiful people are the ones who end up with a plethora of moist international insect style kisses.

[Debbie]

It's such a whole new world when you're kids are growing up and ask you what words mean. You thought you knew your entire life and then when pressed for an answer one, especially one, in the situation, the most simplified it's hard to come up with something that sounds right.

My 5 year old will always expound on my definitions or try to put it to use right away. It's such a fun age to parent to!! Max is adorable.

[sallysue]

I would sing, "Whenever I hear the song of a bird/Or look at the blue, blue sky/Whenever I feel the rain on my face/Or the wind as it rushes by/Whenever I touch a velvet rose/Or walk by a lilac tree, I'm glad that I live in this beautiful world/Heavenly Father created for me."

And I think you didn't make the 'lists' both times, because that was just assumed. :)

[Lois Moss]

Ok, I'm crying here. I love Max! The innocence of love and his comprehension of beauty.

Sorry you didn't make the cut either time. Ah well, next time. Once he's thought about it for a while.

[Amie]

When I was a little girl, maybe 5 or 6, I was riding in the back of the van with my grandparents and my little sister. Dad was driving. My little sister asked my grandma as she was putting on lipstick why she put that on. I piped up because of course I knew the answer. "Because her lips are ugly." Why else would someone cover something up. I quickly found out from my father that was the wrong answer.

[Avery and the delicious Posie Nubbins]

As Louisa May Alcott so aptly put, "Love is a great beautifier". To very young children, what they love is beautiful. I babysat a six year old last month who said that waffles were beautiful. When I asked her why, she said that it was because she loved waffles. I used to (i.g. five years ago) think that a really repulsive coat was beautiful because I loved the way it kept me warm.

[Birgit]

oh I love this story! No one could create something as cute as this - at least I wouldn't be able, for sure! :)
I definitely agree with your description of beauty! It made me think of my childhood.
My dad got cancer when I was about 1-2 years old. When I think about him I only get some bad fuzzy images in my mind. Actually I only remember the time he already was ill ... really ill with all this things : swollen eye and nose or even the hole face. No one was allowed to shave his beard for weeks, because he felt so helpless and guilty. He wasn't able to walk , or to talk or even to close his right eye for nearly one year. Nevertheless, if someone would have asked me at the age of 3 (when he died) I would have said he's 'my beautilful person' !!!
I remember after coming home from the kindergarten runnig to my dad has ALWAYS been the first thing I did. His swollen and blurred smile is still the most beautiful thing for me!
Sometimes I think I'm a really not fair to my mum! I feel so much respect for her, of course! She's such a strong and self-sacrificing women!
So I understand your sons opinion!
His dad isnt dead, but my dad also always has been the special person and my mum ... yes I loved and love her but ... I thought it's normal that mums are like this when I was child! I feel a little bit guilty for that, but I love children's innocent simplicity :)
To tell the truth I'm jealous of you having such a cute boy.
And also jealous of his innocent mind =) Wouldn't it be great to be a little child again?!

I truly apogolize for my bad english. I'm just an 16-year-old german girl beeing a bit too lazy to rember each grammar rule. I think that has something to do with my age :D No, sorry , that's a bad escuse.
Best wishes!

[Laina]

I really loved this post. I think the world's definition of beauty gets morphed the older and older we get. When I was little, I called pretty much everything beautiful ranging from flowers, to the mountains, to people. I think your definition for your fiver-year-old was the best I've heard come up with right off the top of the head. Because one of the synonyms for beautiful is "lovely," I'd say that beautiful means something that you can love because of the sheer enjoyment and pleasure you get form it.

[Donna]

Oh I love this. How sweet. We should all be able to claim our own definitions of beauty without worrying about what others think. If only we could hang on to that pure innocence and self-confidence.

[Nikki]

My four-year-old, at the end of watching The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, said he thought the two young women were pretty and he liked them. "Do you like the boys, too?" I asked. "No, only the girls are pretty." I was a little shocked but also amused. Where DO they get ideas about pretty and beautiful? Maybe he and Max should consult on this. =)

[*Emily*]

What is beautiful? Something beautiful is something worthwhile. Take a person who would not be considered "beautiful" but does something really worthwhile- I think that person is just as beautiful as the someone who would be considered beautiful. Beauty is as beauty does ;-)

[Marcus Arelius]

Kristen Bell riding an allosaurus. Now, pipe down and keep sewing.

[Sara Weiss]

i would define beuty by nature.

[Sara Weiss]

i would also define beuty by saying everything. god made us all special + individualy so he made us all in our own way + beutiful.

Shannon Hale- if u r lookin at this iwould loooove to meet u 1 day!

[Kyle]

For the record, my brother and I (we're guys) both thought you were cute when we saw your picture in one of the books I read.

That's a cute story, kids are so funny!

[Debbie]

exactly like you did, only mine is called William:)

[Laura Z M]

I asked my six-year-old son how he'd define "beautiful" for Max. He said, "Something that's attractive."

Not bad.

For the record, I didn't make my son's "beautiful" list either. A building made the list. But not his momma.

[Christen]

I guess to me beauty is something I'd like to see over and over again, something I could simply stare at.

Max is a sweetie. :D

[Tanja]

Moms are not normal people. We were going through the family naming all the genders and when they came to me my son, who is 3 years old, said "you mom". I told him that I was a girl, but he did not believe me. We are superheros. My daughter has an obsession with the show "the biggest loser". She finds beauty in these people who are working towards something that means a lot to them.
I don't think I could define beauty. I suppose it is something that makes an impression on your life. Great beauty leaves a mark permanently.

[Cheryl]

I think you have a great definition, and I'm excited to hear stories of Max using his newfound vocabulary..."Spongebob is beautiful, isn't he Mom? And Bob the Builder is beautiful too! I like to look at them!"

Also, if you want to make the list, you have to get other people to start referring to you as beautiful...My suggestion is, start with your husband (you make more money than him now, you can make the rules! That's how it works, right?) From now on, he can either refer to you as "Beautiful" or "Goddess." Your kids will catch on quickly.

[Cheryl]

I think you have a great definition, and I'm excited to hear stories of Max using his newfound vocabulary..."Spongebob is beautiful, isn't he Mom? And Bob the Builder is beautiful too! I like to look at them!"

Also, if you want to make the list, you have to get other people to start referring to you as beautiful...My suggestion is, start with your husband (you make more money than him now, you can make the rules! That's how it works, right?) From now on, he can either refer to you as "Beautiful" or "Goddess." Your kids will catch on quickly.

[Della]

Dictionary.com says: the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

So in other words, if someone enjoys a thing, their enjoyment defines that thing as beautiful to that person (visually, audibly, whatever).

I don't suggest that these technical definition details improve on what you said - they just back it up.

Yay mom!

[Dr. Sallie N. Cheinsteen]

If a kid asked me what beautiful meant, I would say...
"beautiful means that you love something a lot, and you always want to have it with you. It makes you happy."
Max said that all girls were beautiful. He must have had some idea of what that meant. And you, Shannon, are a girl. :)

[Georgine]

Birgit,
My father also was ill when I was a year old. He was completely disabled from Parkinson's disease and couldn't work from that time on.
I thought he was the funniest and most interesting person in the whole world and always there for me! He was beautiful to me because I felt beautiful and completely accepted in his company. I knew I was, without a doubt, his treasure. We had a lot of fun while my mom worked very hard to keep us safe.I was fortunate to have him until I was 23 and my mother until she was 92.

Someone is beautiful when they see in you what you might not yet see in yourself -- that you are a treasure, and while you are with them, you feel it too.
Thank you for sharing this! You are a special young lady.

Shannon,
My younger son (third child)was married Friday 3/20. No matter how many compliments I got, I found something to torture myself with -- I looked at all the beautiful 30 something girls, including my two daughters, and thought,"I might qualify to be a cute grandmother, but that is going to be it from now on!"

You win in both areas of the "beauty contest" as far as I'm concerned -- endless generosity -- sharing, entertaining, teaching, and compassion. My friends (with whom I've shared your books)and I agree that you have the MOST beautiful hair and flawless skin. Your smile reflects the purity of your spirit.
Much love . . . and appreciation! :)

[Heather Z.]

I love Sara's definition. I do think beauty is whatever makes your heart fill with joy (or "happy," for a small child). Beauty is when your heart grows bigger when you see it, hear it, touch it, feel it. I feel that way every time I see the rain or a sunrise, my family, or hear music.

[Erin]

My little sister was born with a cleft lip. She had surgery a few weeks after her birth to fix the defect. My little brother (he was six at the time) scowled when he saw my sister's new, perfect face and said, "I liked her better before."

I like your definition of beauty. Beauty is different for everyone.

[Katherine]

Beauty in people is equal parts health, happiness, and confidence.

Beauty otherwise is anything that produces a deep sense of fufillment when you look at it- I guess your definition.

[Ellenboro]

If I were to describe beauty to Max I would tell him that beauty is present when you look at something and you don't want to look away. And even if you do, the person, or thing, you were looking at is still present in your mind and doesn't leave. Most often, you find beauty in the people you love.

And I'd tell him that mommy is always beautiful. (But isn't that obvious?)

[Shannon B.]

Beauty comes from the inside.

[Christy]

Such a cool post! I love the way kids view the world...

[Susan Kipp]

Beauty: Something you look at, that makes you feel good and happy and you want to keep looking at it.

In a pinch I would have said something not so smart! My son turns 5 in May and many times I can't even answer question #5321 because he's already on to asking #5322 of the day!

[generic viagra]

My little sister was born with a cleft lip. She had surgery a few weeks after her birth to fix the defect. My little brother (he was six at the time) scowled when he saw my sister's new, perfect face and said, "I liked her better before."