Writing and mothering, part 2

river secrets was voted by teens in the US as a Teens' Top Ten! Thanks so much everyone for voted. I'm so thrilled for Razo's sake. He's such a dear.

One of the most common questions I get in email and when touring is, "How do you write and be a mother? Where do you find the time?" I wrote about writing and mothering a couple of years ago. Here's my new update:

Before I begin, let me acknowledge that there are superstar moms who have nine children and still write, so I know I'm not particularly harried. But I have reached that new stage, that more awkward stage, where there is more than one child and one never naps. How do I keep writing? When do I find the time? Here's the truth: there's always time. It is not easy. If you wanted a nice easy hobby, you wouldn't have picked writing books. You'd be knitting scarves or raising an orchid. You want to write books because you must, because those stories and characters and words won't leave you alone. So you will find the time. Here's some more thoughts on how I've adapted to my new situation:

I mostly fail. It feels like that most days. And I have to let myself be okay with it. My output is significantly decreased, my wordcount goals very tiny. But I am first a mother and second a writer. And I love being a mother of small children. Life is very, very good. Times and seasons for everything, my mother-in-law reminds me. Times and seasons.

I try to know my limits. I'm not going to keep up a book a year. I can't do as many book tours, I can't answer email and do local school visits and book clubs. I can't make homemade Halloween costumes or keep my scrapbook up to date. I can only be a mother and write a little on the side, and occasionally take a shower.

I get my 15 minutes a day. Everyone can make this a reality. Fifteen minutes. That's reachable. And sometimes opportunity allows for more. Sometimes the baby is napping and my toddler will sit still and play by himself while I write for 45 minutes. And sometimes he sits beside me and holds down the spacebar. Ah, helpful, helpful lad. You win some, you lose some. And it's okay. [by the way, Marcus, have you been doing your 15 minutes on your book? You promised so faithfully.]

I use my brain. Whenever I have some space for thought, I've trained my brain to return to the story. Showers are particularly productive. Driving. Folding laundry. I can keep writing even when I don't have time to sit at my computer because my brain keeps working on the story. This, for me, is absolutely essential. I could not be a writer if I didn't allow (and insist upon) daydreaming about the stories.

Keep notes! You get an idea for a line, a scene, a character, and you think you'll remember. You won't. I have to make myself to write it down. Sometimes they're bad ideas, many I'll never use, but I write them all down. Keeping a notepad in my purse (aka diaper bag) and by my bed really helps. This helps me focus on my kids more, because once I write the idea down, I know it's safe, and I can let my attention leave worrying about it and return to them.

I keep reading. I know so many people who give up reading once they start writing, but I find reading good books (besides being a blast) inspires the same part of my brain where I create stories and sentences. I really believe being a reading writer will make you a better and more productive writing writer.

I take advantage of what I can now and not try to wait for a mythical era of free time. Megan Whalen Turner, fabulous writer and mother of school age children, recently told me, "a number of people warned me that I shouldn't expect to get any real work done until my youngest child was in school full time.  But, I didn't find small children any impediment to writing.  I hired a babysitter (several great ones, actually, thank you Trisha Falvey, thank you Nancy Schaffstall!) and wrote The Thief and The Queen of Attolia.  It wasn't that hard to find someone to feed babies, change babies and take babies to the park. Then they grew up and went to school. You can't pay someone else to go on field trips for you, or help them with their homework. Never mind that when you hire a babysitter you get to set the schedule and hire them when it is convenient for you. The elementary school is just not as accommodating. So write, quick! Quick!"

The truth is, if I wasn't a mother, I could get so much more done. For one thing, I could say yes to all the local school visits and book clubs and signing requests I get. I could tour the country more, doing 20-city tours instead of 4-city tours. I'd sell a lot more books. I'd make more money, have a wider fan base...and I wouldn't have my amazing little sweethearts. Sheesh. Not even worth it. I'm so so so happy to be a mother, so honored to have these little people in my family. Whatever your passion is, you can see it through and still be a mother. Somehow. Bit by bit. And all the rest of us working mothers, creative mothers, fitting-it-in mothers will be hooting for you and shouting, "You rock."

Comments

[Melinda]

Your kids are lucky to have such a great, devoted mother and your fans are lucky that you are able to write such wonderful stories while being such a great mom!!!

[Gwynneth]

Thanks for the advice. I'm a mom with 1 little girl, and even now I find it hard to make time to write. It's really wonderful to hear what an amazing writer has to say on the subject.

Oh, and I agree. The mom thing IS worth ever moment -- even the moments you aren't writing.

[calandria]

It is very easy to come up with excuses to not write and "being a mother" sounds like such a legitimate one. Like you are choosing the better part. Thanks for your post on how it doesn't have to be an either/or. I'm guessing I'm not the only mother who finds time for some immediate-gratification type stuff even though I have children at home. The challenge is to allow yourself no excuses (at least for that little goal per day) and get it done, often instead of the immediate gratification.

[myrna]

Yep! You definitely rock! Thanks for the 15 minutes/day writing advice.

Gwennyth--you didn't attend the fantasy writing class and the BYU Writing for Young Readers Workshop, did you?

[Ven]

you make those of us who aren't mothers (and still whine about not having enough time to write) look bad. :)

[Ellenboro]

Ven you are right once again. I am not a mother and feel bad now because I can never find any time to write.
BUT-- yes, that "but" that brings up an excuse(I'm terrible, I know)-- I have homework every single night. In addition, my mother takes graduate school studies and studies EVERY night. It's horrible for me not to be able to write my stories. That's why now I am taking a few minutes whenever I can (usually everyday) and write at least a paragraph. It makes me feel a little better.

[Ruby Diamond]

Thanks for the great insight. Superb.

[Lindsay]

I think I'm going to print this list and tape it into my notebook, and every time I wonder if I can write and mother simultaneously, I will refer to it. Great advice. Thanks. :)

[Heather]

This is an awesome entry Shannon, it really is. I want to be just like you (as corny as that sounds it's true). Even though I am still in college, no kids (working in the boyfriend department actually ;) it is something I want so much and you said it so perfectly. You are such a simple inspiration to me and I love you to death. And yes, you do rock.

[SJM]

Hoot, hoot! You rock!

:)

[Calliope1of9]

Yay! I voted for River Secrets (about 50 times, but as LittleRed pointed out, they might have only counted one vote per IP address lol)
I have and always will admire your perserverance, Shannon. I imagine writing and mothering 2 young kids is nearly impossible at times, and yet you manage to pull it off beaufifully. *virtual cupcakes* (They're choco-peanut butter, by the way. Hope you're not allergic.)

[Laura]

I almost always find my fifteen minutes a day. However, I generally use it for showering. Where I forget to use my brain. Well, I think I do have one of your suggestions mastered: "I mostly fail." Heh.

Shannon, you are an inspiration to all motherdom. Much hooting and cheering from this corner of the world. You do so totally rock.

[Rose]

Yep, Shannon, you rock! (Typed with one hand with toddler on lap--but hoping for 15 minutes with both hands before the other 3 kids get home).

I've always admired your ability to prioritize and feel good about what you are able to do, without regretting what you didn't do. Thanks for your thoughts!

[Melissa aka Librarybooks from LRRH]

My sister and I are just at the point of starting families and talk about this all the time! How to be a working mom? I agree that being a mom should always come first.

Thanks for the good advice!

[hwalk]

You are so awesome! I totally want to be a MOM when I grow up and throw everything else in number 2 position.

[Sarah]

Thanks for the inspiring advice, Shannon. As I anticipate the arrival of child #2 next month and wonder how on earth I'm ever going to continue writing, your words of wisdom are a great help.

Do you find that being a mom has (in addition to all the wonderful and exasperating and back to wonderful again, every day) lent a whole new perspective to your writing? The experience makes me feel rich, at least as often as it makes me exhausted!

[Burning]

Shame. I have no excuse of motherdom or homework or...well I guess work-work is an excuse...vaguely. But you are inspiring. With NaNoWriMo going on, I needed it! Thanks for the help. We should thank your kids for letting us have you as often as we do.

[Platinum Mom]

thanks for sharing these details!! I was "just doin' it" to see if it was truly possible, write w/ kid-help, that is. The hollars of "HOMERUN!!!" from the Living Room were a tad distracting, as are the Monster Truck rally sounds playing behind me now, but I can see what you're saying... thinking about the stories, writing when there's a moment. I may have four "helpers", two still at home (one non-napper makes a difference, fer sure) but I can make time to read! I bet I can squeeze in a moment to write... makin' it flow'll be the trick, probably.

[Bohae]

It's great that your heart can have room for your love of writing in it, even when you have two great, amazing kids ;) Truly awesome :)

[Rosie]

thanks Shannon! I think your ideas work so well in other areas too, even for those of us that are just readers. I love the idea of training your brain! As another awesome mentor of mine says, "you make up stories to yourself all the time, so make them good ones!"

[Heather]

Kudos Shannon! I can't believe you passed up "Up-Chuck" to spend time with your fans--it was Bountiful's best day! Thanks for reminding us all that baby steps are better than no steps, and for being our BFF. All moms should hail you queen for putting fam. first but still being you!

[Laura of Everworks]

It's great to hear about the devotion you show your children! At this rate they will grow up into children you can be very proud of:) We need more of those kind of people in the world.

Quick comment about your mind returning to the story (you are currently working on) at odd moments. I don't know if you will comment, but do you ever find your concentration abilities to diminish? I was once doing something similiar and my concentration capacities broke -- I would get sidetracked when something (usually the dog pacing) while working on something. My abilities are better now, but I was wondering. (Of course with young children perhaps your mind already works this way.)

[Clairissa]

You're my hero! p.s. I love your books :)

[Nisa]

I love River Secrets
it is awesome
razo is my favorite
i wante to know what happened to isi's family at her real (though it shouldn't be called real...Bayern is!!!! :)~) country. and her sister comes. thanks!!!!
dasha is great! it was really awesome....!

[Nisa]

Shannon Hale,
I know Enna,Finn, and Razo is use to call her Isi (Ani), and her sister could call her Anidori or Ani, or in a letter to make some of them confused, that could be a really neat kind of part in the book!!!!!
Thanks!
Nisa

PS: ur books r gr8!

[Cathy Lim]

I have just been finishing up Actor and the Housewife, and found that it inspired me to get back to writing. Today. Reading is ALWAYS a great idea, and if it inspires me to write, even better! And may I just say, I laughed and cried and warmed right up to those characters. Captured love and friendship and the mothering life so sweetly and right.